Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy

Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

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Title: Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy Author: Margaret Paul,

Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: c 2004

by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count:

817 Category: Parenting

Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

While it may seem farfetched to some people, many of my clients

remember what they felt and experienced while still in the womb.

Comments such as these are not unusual:

"I knew even before I was born that my mother didn't want me."

"I could feel my mother's fear and anxiety even before I was

born."

Parenting does not start once the child is born. Good parenting

starts even before getting pregnant. It starts by caring about

what you eat, how much exercise and sleep you get, and by making

sure that you are taking responsibility for your feelings of

anxiety and stress. Your baby will feel what you feel, so

learning how to be in peace and joy before getting pregnant is

part of good parenting.

I loved being pregnant. I had always wanted children so I was

thrilled to be pregnant. I loved feeling the baby moving within

me, awed by the very fact of creating new life. I loved feeling

an elbow or a knee slide across my stomach. I loved that my body

could be a receptacle for bringing through this soul, this angel

from heaven. I could not think of anything more profound, more

worth doing. Who was this unique little person growing in my

body?

I read every book I could on parenting and thought endlessly how

I wanted to be a different parent than my parents were.

The problem was that I have never thought about how much my

relationship with myself and with my husband might affect this

child.

My husband was angry, distant and withdrawn during my pregnancy

and the first three months after giving birth to our son. He was

a person who wanted control and he was not happy that I got

pregnant six months before we had planned. He didn't open his

heart until our son smiled at him at three months of age.

Being young, I had no idea how to handle the loneliness I felt

at not having my husband joyfully involved in the hugest event

of my life. Had I known then what I know now, I would have done

anything I could to get the help we needed to bring our

relationship back into caring. We can't go back, but I'm sure

that my son felt the lack of joy that existed between my husband

and me. I'm sure he felt the depth of my loneliness. I wish I

knew then what I know now about taking responsibility for my own

feelings.

Being pregnant and giving birth are enormous events in a woman's

life, especially the first child, which changes your life so

dramatically. If you do not know how to take responsibility for

your own feelings of anger, hurt, anxiety, depression and

loneliness, things will only get worse after giving birth. A

child does not solve problems for you.

It's hard to imagine before having a child what it is like to be

responsible for another life 24/7. If you have not learned how

to lovingly parent yourself before giving birth, you might find

yourself getting lost as parent your baby. Good parenting starts

before getting pregnant, with learning how to take loving care

of yourself.

If you have a desire to be a good parent, here are steps you can

take before getting pregnant:

1. Physical health: make sure that you are in good physical

shape by eliminating sugar and artificial sweeteners. Start to

shop in health food stores and buy only organic products.

Eliminating pesticides and food additives is essential for good

health. Also be sure to get enough exercise and sleep.

2. Emotional health: instead of having your eyes on your

partner, turn your eyes inward and begin to compassionately

notice your own feelings. Start to treat your own feelings in

the same way you are planning on treating your future child's

feelings - with caring and understanding. In addition, start to

practice taking loving action in your own behalf - standing up

for yourself, speaking your truth, taking time for yourself.

Practice taking loving care of your own feelings instead of

making your partner responsible for how you feel. Begin to

notice what you think and do that may be causing you stress.

Changing thoughts and behavior that cause your stress before

getting pregnant is essential for good parenting.

3. Spiritual health: practice opening to a higher source of

guidance, wisdom, strength and comfort. This can be your own

highest, wisest self within you, or a Higher Power outside of

you. You will find that being able to turn a source of wisdom

and comfort within or without will go a long way in helping you

stay loving and stress-free with yourself, your partner, and

your baby. In addition, this will help you know what to do in

different challenging situations with your baby.

If you are planning on having a baby, start today in becoming a

good parent!

About the author:

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of

eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By

You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?",

"Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give

Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner

Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or

mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com

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Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy

Article : Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy